1. Feeling confident-- while it may be flattering to have someone ask me on a date, its still a little scary... How can I be confident in dating if I am not yet confident in myself? If I still struggle to love myself for who I am now, how can I accept that others may want to eventually do the same?
2. Responsibilities- There are so many sacrifices that are made, and the responsibilities are endless. Not only do I have a child that takes up ALL of my free time, but he changes what I DO in my free time (when I have it). I can no longer go out for a happy hour, or come home and open a bottle of wine. I can't randomly go out to dinner, I can't run random errands, etc. I've got to get home, cook dinner, give my son a bath, put him to bed, and then somehow get in a workout BEFORE I pass out of extreme exhaustion from being up so early.
Which brings me to my main concern--
3. TIME. Truth be told, I have none. Every day it is the same thing. I wake up, get us both ready, go to work, come home, feed him dinner, give him a bath, try to get in a workout and then I go to bed so I can wake up and do it all over again. On the weekends, I try to clean and shop on Saturday's, so I can enjoy my Sundays. Since the weekends are the only "free time" that I have, its important to me to try and "live" a little. I try to hang out with my family, my friends, shop or I do something else that interests me (all WITH Braylon). Not only that, but I have to make sure that my time fits in Braylon's schedule, as I do not have my own. We work around his food time and then around his nap time, and to be honest, that's how it will probably be until he's old enough to not need a nap! I can't do anything out of the norm since any surprise activity throws off the schedule and makes for a stressful day!
4. Guilt-- yes, it's something I feel ANYTIME I am not with Braylon and not working. I know that I need my own time, but how can I not feel guilty about wanting that? I WANT to spend every moment possible with Braylon. I also want to date and have adult time... without Braylon. How do I find that balance?
I am not the same woman I was before I had Braylon. In fact, I am far from it. My standards are higher(not that they were extremely low), and I actually KNOW what I want. To date a single mother, not only can you not pull out the same moves that you do on other girls, but the moves that you do pull need to be enough to win me over! One wrong move, and I have no problem bowing out. Where are the mature, romantic, hilarious guys that don't mind hanging out watching a movie on a Friday night? Where are the guys that got the craziness out of their system long before they met me?
To be frank, I've got baggage. While personally I don't feel it's baggage, I know that from an outsiders perspective, that is exactly what it is. I am a woman, with a child AND a baby daddy. A baby daddy who is still very actively involved in my most prized possession's life. This means that any man that dates me has to accept the fact that I respect my child's father, and hope to continue an amicable relationship with him, even with another man in my life.
I am who I am, and with a child, I'm much more honest than the old me. I'll tell you what I want, what I don't want, and hell... I may never speak to you again if you say the wrong thing... not because I'm a b*t$h, but because I know what I want. While I may be vulnerable to a man's advances, I am not a fool to believe every one. As stated before, I don't have time for the surprises. I will be straight up and honest , and if you're not what I want, no sweat off my back. If you can handle me, I may just be everything you're looking for... warm, considerate, understanding, domestic, and a good mother. This is all assuming my son doesn't hate you... And since we are a packaged deal, you'll need to give double the love.
With all of that being said... I am now accepting applications... if you or someone you know would like to date me, please submit all apps to my email. :) In all seriousness though, this whole dating thing is tough. With so many factors, I can't help but expect to be single until Braylon's in college. That will be fine though, right?
